Ex refusing to pay child support and sign divorce papers
divorce attorney Virginia Aug 25, 2026
Location: Virginia, USA My ex and I were married for 10 years, have four children together, and have been separated for three years. We separated because he became addicted to drugs and abusive towards me and dangerously negligent towards the children. My family and his family pooled money to pay the retainer for a custody lawyer, and I was awarded full physical custody and joint legal custody almost two years ago. He gets three hours of supervised visitation each weekend. I also took him to court for child support which was far more slow going, and he was ordered to pay almost $800/mo last August. He made one $10 payment through DCSE this past March, and the kids and I have not seen a dime from him otherwise. He refuses to get a job (has not worked since we separated), and I believe he is selling drugs to keep the mortgage paid. We just went back to court a couple of weeks ago because of his nonpayment, and he had a court appointed lawyer and a doctor’s note attesting that he is seeking help for a brain injury and is possibly unable to sustain employment. The thing is, he sustained this TBI in 2004, when he was a teenager. He then went to college, held steady, full-time employment (up until three years ago when his addiction took over), and got married and had four children with me. I urged him to seek mental health treatment during our marriage because I suspected the TBI had something to do with his mood swings and depression, but he vehemently denied the TBI even had an effect on his life anymore. Here we are, 22 years later, and suddenly he’s incapable of independent living and supporting his children. The judge at our last hearing continued it for another three months in order to give his lawyer “more time to prepare”. I work full time, manage all four children, and am barely able to keep my head above water, money-wise. Every time I am dragged back to court I am missing hours at work. He is 25k in arrears, and I used my tax return this year to hire a no-fault divorce attorney to type up a basic divorce agreement - I’m not asking for the house, alimony, nothing, just to be legally divorced. He keeps losing the paperwork and refusing to sign. I don’t know what my options are at this point. I cannot afford to hire a lawyer as I am still paying off the balance from the custody suit. Our marital home is jointly owned, and I don’t qualify for local legal aid because it’s considered one of my assets. I called the clerks office and our state does not have a standard form to fill out to bring this before a judge and ask to have the divorce finalized. I am finding it impossible to find legal advice regarding this whole mess. I know that he is dragging this out with the sole purpose of making things as difficult as he possibly can for me. Do I need a lawyer to represent me in both of these matters together? How can I afford one if I don’t financially qualify because of my “asset”? Is there a template I can use to file a motion to get this in front of a judge? And is there a way I can explain to the judge and/or his doctor that he has a drug addiction issue and isn’t being truthful about the effects of his TBI? I just want to be divorced and to have him held accountable for supporting his children.
